It's not time yet to begin discussing things. But, the ice is beginning to thaw a bit. It's a sunny day, which helps. And last night, some very excellent therapy happened while playing a duo gig at Meier Gardens with the ever-fabulous and amazing Roger MacNaughton. The joy of making music and pouring my sorrow, my pain, and even my joy through the aching voice of the whistle was a balm indeed. Playing "You Raise Me Up" was, in particular, a healing moment.
As I said, it's not time yet to discuss events, to reveal specifics (though most people who read this know what has happened), or to speculate on the future. For now, the sun is shining, music is a healing thing, and God begins to reveal Himself anew to this stone-cold iron-hard heart...
Random Fluffy Foto!
Writing in bed, and Beka editing by ear. Really. The ear typed some letters. Really.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The worst has come...
... and I feel like my heart has been torn out. There'll be a bit of silence here for the foreseeable future, and a lot of mourning after that. We'll talk again, friends... but not right now.
Friday, January 20, 2006
How are you?
I've been getting that question a lot, ever since my last post. :-D So, while I still can't be specific about things, here's a general update...
Things are still on uncertain ground, but for some reason I'm not as worried as I thought I'd be. Vicki's had some nervousness, but that's mostly because of finances. If I'd listened to Dave Ramsey a lot sooner, we'd be in better shape. But, we're both remembering that the One who made the world is the One who said He has a plan. Since we can't do anything but wait, we wait in Him.
So, is there anything positive? YUP! We've been making it almost every night to the weight room in the BHC, spending some lovely (or not) moments on a recumbent exercise bike, and making the rounds of the weight machines. Vicki is getting in about 30 minutes a night on the bike, and I'm slowly getting more time in also. Last night, I did 15 minutes without having to stop and rest my legs, and then got in another 10 before I hit the weights.
And, I have a gig coming up at Meijer Gardens with my good friend Roger MacNaughton, a fabulous pianist and all around great musician. They wanted something with a Celtic flavor, so Roger and I are going to do some things with piano and whistle - I'm pretty pumped about that!
We are getting better at dealing with my nightly issues of getting to sleep peacefully, learning that I need to be heading to bed sometime between 9pm and 10pm, to get settled in and give myself time to wind down before (hopefully) heading off to sleep. If we delay too long, it gets a lot harder to get me to bed, and harder to settle down to sleep.
One issue - I have a new mask to get used to. Vicki was noticing that I've been opening my mouth more lately, which for a CPAP user isn't a good thing. So, we decided to go with what's called a full face mask this time - it covers both my nose and mouth, so if my mouth opens, it's not a problem. But, as always, getting used to a different mask is a very tough thing for me. We'll see how we do into this next week...
So, both good and bad. Tough times mentally, things getting better physically, and learning to trust more every step of the way. Doing a lousy job of it sometimes, but I suppose as long as I continue to try, that's the important thing.
How am I? A complicated question. The short answer? Hanging in there...
Things are still on uncertain ground, but for some reason I'm not as worried as I thought I'd be. Vicki's had some nervousness, but that's mostly because of finances. If I'd listened to Dave Ramsey a lot sooner, we'd be in better shape. But, we're both remembering that the One who made the world is the One who said He has a plan. Since we can't do anything but wait, we wait in Him.
So, is there anything positive? YUP! We've been making it almost every night to the weight room in the BHC, spending some lovely (or not) moments on a recumbent exercise bike, and making the rounds of the weight machines. Vicki is getting in about 30 minutes a night on the bike, and I'm slowly getting more time in also. Last night, I did 15 minutes without having to stop and rest my legs, and then got in another 10 before I hit the weights.
And, I have a gig coming up at Meijer Gardens with my good friend Roger MacNaughton, a fabulous pianist and all around great musician. They wanted something with a Celtic flavor, so Roger and I are going to do some things with piano and whistle - I'm pretty pumped about that!
We are getting better at dealing with my nightly issues of getting to sleep peacefully, learning that I need to be heading to bed sometime between 9pm and 10pm, to get settled in and give myself time to wind down before (hopefully) heading off to sleep. If we delay too long, it gets a lot harder to get me to bed, and harder to settle down to sleep.
One issue - I have a new mask to get used to. Vicki was noticing that I've been opening my mouth more lately, which for a CPAP user isn't a good thing. So, we decided to go with what's called a full face mask this time - it covers both my nose and mouth, so if my mouth opens, it's not a problem. But, as always, getting used to a different mask is a very tough thing for me. We'll see how we do into this next week...
So, both good and bad. Tough times mentally, things getting better physically, and learning to trust more every step of the way. Doing a lousy job of it sometimes, but I suppose as long as I continue to try, that's the important thing.
How am I? A complicated question. The short answer? Hanging in there...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Uncertainty
This is today's Word Of The Day... not on the air, but off. :-) It's hard not to react in a cynical manner when faced with what could possibly be a major life change. It's hard not to expect the worst when it seems like it's being served up on a silver platter as the Chef's catch o' the day. And, it's hard not to just want to go home, cave up in front of the tv, and get lost in despair.
Of course, all of the above not only excludes God from the picture, but denies everything I tell kids about Him every day on the air. Jer. 29:11 says that there is hope and a future. At the moment, that's hard to believe. But, when it all gets sorted out, I do believe that. I do believe that if a change is coming, He already knows about it, He already has planned for it, and He will bring things about in His timing.
And, that when all is sorted out, Romans 8:28 will be proven true once again.
Unfortunately, it's very very hard to see that at this point in time. Too much emotion, too much speculation, too much humanity gets in the way. Lord, let me remember that You not only have a plan, but that You walk with us, as well as walking ahead of us. Help me to see You, not everything else that would blind me.
Of course, all of the above not only excludes God from the picture, but denies everything I tell kids about Him every day on the air. Jer. 29:11 says that there is hope and a future. At the moment, that's hard to believe. But, when it all gets sorted out, I do believe that. I do believe that if a change is coming, He already knows about it, He already has planned for it, and He will bring things about in His timing.
And, that when all is sorted out, Romans 8:28 will be proven true once again.
Unfortunately, it's very very hard to see that at this point in time. Too much emotion, too much speculation, too much humanity gets in the way. Lord, let me remember that You not only have a plan, but that You walk with us, as well as walking ahead of us. Help me to see You, not everything else that would blind me.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
What does a label say?
Vicki went along to my monthly visit to Miram, my counselor. And, as a result of some of our discussion, Miriam told us something about me that neither of us had expected...
The disappointment for you, dear reader, is that I'm not going to tell you what it is. Sorry.
Miriam had suspected this for a while, and she debated about even telling me this, but it had a direct connection to something Vicki was talking about, and it helped her put some things in perspective in dealing with her high-maintenance trophy husband. (Don't ask what the trophy is for...)
So, now I know that I probably am *this label*. But the reason Miram had debated about telling me this is that I, over the forty-six years I've been puttering around on this earth, have developed compensation skills for my *label*. I've learned to work around it, without even knowing what it is. She said she wouldn't even consider medication for this, since there's really no need.
This begs the question - does a label change things for us? It has helped me connect the dots on a couple of things that I've been struggling with, but does it change things? Yes and no, I think. It helps me identify why I have struggles with some things, and why certain things are hard for me. But, does it change me or redefine me? No - I don't think so. Hence my reason for not even sharing (except with a few crucial folks) what it is. It changes my approach to a few things, but as for who I am, it doesn't change that.
And, as for who I am in Christ, nothing changes that. Praise the Lord for His matchless grace...
The disappointment for you, dear reader, is that I'm not going to tell you what it is. Sorry.
Miriam had suspected this for a while, and she debated about even telling me this, but it had a direct connection to something Vicki was talking about, and it helped her put some things in perspective in dealing with her high-maintenance trophy husband. (Don't ask what the trophy is for...)
So, now I know that I probably am *this label*. But the reason Miram had debated about telling me this is that I, over the forty-six years I've been puttering around on this earth, have developed compensation skills for my *label*. I've learned to work around it, without even knowing what it is. She said she wouldn't even consider medication for this, since there's really no need.
This begs the question - does a label change things for us? It has helped me connect the dots on a couple of things that I've been struggling with, but does it change things? Yes and no, I think. It helps me identify why I have struggles with some things, and why certain things are hard for me. But, does it change me or redefine me? No - I don't think so. Hence my reason for not even sharing (except with a few crucial folks) what it is. It changes my approach to a few things, but as for who I am, it doesn't change that.
And, as for who I am in Christ, nothing changes that. Praise the Lord for His matchless grace...
Friday, January 13, 2006
Not sure about this one...
Your Eyes Should Be Brown |
 Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart |
What Color Should Your Eyes Be?
What color are my eyes in reality? Blue. Actually, they're blue on the outside, with a ring of yellow around the pupil - a combination of my Mom's sky blue eyes, and my Dad's hazel eyes.
And, Vicki likes them. So, no plans to change them to brown. I have toyed with purple contacts, tho... I'll pass on changing Vicki's too - light green that go grey depending on what she's wearing. :-D
What color are my eyes in reality? Blue. Actually, they're blue on the outside, with a ring of yellow around the pupil - a combination of my Mom's sky blue eyes, and my Dad's hazel eyes.
And, Vicki likes them. So, no plans to change them to brown. I have toyed with purple contacts, tho... I'll pass on changing Vicki's too - light green that go grey depending on what she's wearing. :-D
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
Negative trumps positive
Well, it finally happened. On Monday, we made some rather aggressive programming changes to His Kids Radio. Among those were weeding out a block of programs we call The Classic Connection - programs from the 50's or so, long ago and far away... Not bad, but definitely dated language, etc.
The classics hit the biffy this weekend. And, on Monday, the "how could you ruin my Saturday night" brigade was out in full force, letting us know in NO uncertain terms that there is now nothing worth listening to on our station, since we killed the ONLY programs that were worth their time.
Ok - I might be blowing that up a little for comic effect...
And, today, I found out that my blood sugar has crept up again. Not a great deal, but the Doctor asks that I pursue one of my favorite hobbies - poking my finger twice a day for the next week or so, before I see her and we discuss it.
My question is... why do the negative voices always sound louder than the positive? We'll get a ton of mail about how HKR is impacting families, but one negative comment makes the rest of them fade away. In so many areas of life, one little negative can do so much damage. I've been free of the diabetic meds since I started losing weight, but one high blood test can make me forget all of the progress over the past two years.
How can we learn to roll off the negative, and let the positive do its important healing work in our hearts and minds?
Lord, help me stuff my negativity in some hole someplace and never let me go looking for it again. Help me to be an encourager, not a card-carrying member of "The Friends Of Job." And, help me to process the negative by remembering who You are, and let Your positives always outweigh their negatives.
The classics hit the biffy this weekend. And, on Monday, the "how could you ruin my Saturday night" brigade was out in full force, letting us know in NO uncertain terms that there is now nothing worth listening to on our station, since we killed the ONLY programs that were worth their time.
Ok - I might be blowing that up a little for comic effect...
And, today, I found out that my blood sugar has crept up again. Not a great deal, but the Doctor asks that I pursue one of my favorite hobbies - poking my finger twice a day for the next week or so, before I see her and we discuss it.
My question is... why do the negative voices always sound louder than the positive? We'll get a ton of mail about how HKR is impacting families, but one negative comment makes the rest of them fade away. In so many areas of life, one little negative can do so much damage. I've been free of the diabetic meds since I started losing weight, but one high blood test can make me forget all of the progress over the past two years.
How can we learn to roll off the negative, and let the positive do its important healing work in our hearts and minds?
Lord, help me stuff my negativity in some hole someplace and never let me go looking for it again. Help me to be an encourager, not a card-carrying member of "The Friends Of Job." And, help me to process the negative by remembering who You are, and let Your positives always outweigh their negatives.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
In the new year...
A lot of my friends have made New Years posts on their blogs, so I guess that it's time for The Captain to add his list of things that probably won't happen, but are still worth striving for...
==> I want to finish my CD this year. Even if it's at 11:59:59.999 PM on December 31st. I was hoping for March, since folks always ask when they hear me at the Father Daughter Banquet, "do you have your CD yet..." but I don't think that will happen.
==> I need to keep working toward understanding what "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it" means. Nowhere close to it yet, but working on it.
==> I want to get better at my craft, being PD of HKR, which is The World's Best Job.
==> I'd like to learn to play the Chapman Stick, although that won't happen since 1) they cost way more than I'll ever be able to afford for an instrument, and 2) even if I had the money to buy one, the wait is around a year for them, so it still wouldn't happen in 2006. But hey - I did mention that these things probably won't happen. :-D
==> My weight remains an issue. I'm back too close to 400 lbs, and need to get focused again. I also need to find exercise that I can and WILL do, like making a place at home to be able to use my stability ball and weights. And I MUST find a water class for the sake of my knees.
==> 2006 would be a cool year to have knee replacement, if I hit my goal weight...
==> I want to get better at my chosen instruments: whistles, windsynth, bass, keyboards. I'd like to really learn how to use MIDI, and to really learn the programs that I use for making music. (Reason, Sonar, Acid, and even the cool new features in Band In A Box)
==> I'd like to get back to storytelling and maybe magic as well, although all of the above may preclude that...
==> And, at the bottom of the list, the thing that should be at the top - yea, even should be the entire list. I want to return to my first love. I want to follow Christ. I want to stop stumbling through my days doing everything but the one thing I should do - keeping my eyes on Jesus. All these other things are crapola compared to knowing Him more this year. I want to return to that intimate place I was when He was walking through my mom's death with me. When He was so real to me that almost every thought included Him at the center. To re-establish my worldview with Him at the center as He should be. I want to seek Him first, then these other things.
So, there it is. If only one of these things happens, may it be the final one - to draw closer to the One who made me. That thing alone will put all the others in their right places.
==> I want to finish my CD this year. Even if it's at 11:59:59.999 PM on December 31st. I was hoping for March, since folks always ask when they hear me at the Father Daughter Banquet, "do you have your CD yet..." but I don't think that will happen.
==> I need to keep working toward understanding what "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it" means. Nowhere close to it yet, but working on it.
==> I want to get better at my craft, being PD of HKR, which is The World's Best Job.
==> I'd like to learn to play the Chapman Stick, although that won't happen since 1) they cost way more than I'll ever be able to afford for an instrument, and 2) even if I had the money to buy one, the wait is around a year for them, so it still wouldn't happen in 2006. But hey - I did mention that these things probably won't happen. :-D
==> My weight remains an issue. I'm back too close to 400 lbs, and need to get focused again. I also need to find exercise that I can and WILL do, like making a place at home to be able to use my stability ball and weights. And I MUST find a water class for the sake of my knees.
==> 2006 would be a cool year to have knee replacement, if I hit my goal weight...
==> I want to get better at my chosen instruments: whistles, windsynth, bass, keyboards. I'd like to really learn how to use MIDI, and to really learn the programs that I use for making music. (Reason, Sonar, Acid, and even the cool new features in Band In A Box)
==> I'd like to get back to storytelling and maybe magic as well, although all of the above may preclude that...
==> And, at the bottom of the list, the thing that should be at the top - yea, even should be the entire list. I want to return to my first love. I want to follow Christ. I want to stop stumbling through my days doing everything but the one thing I should do - keeping my eyes on Jesus. All these other things are crapola compared to knowing Him more this year. I want to return to that intimate place I was when He was walking through my mom's death with me. When He was so real to me that almost every thought included Him at the center. To re-establish my worldview with Him at the center as He should be. I want to seek Him first, then these other things.
So, there it is. If only one of these things happens, may it be the final one - to draw closer to the One who made me. That thing alone will put all the others in their right places.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
So, what did you do?
Happy New Year, everybody! Welcome to the first post of the new year!
This will have more interest for my co-workers at CU than anyone else...
This year, the University gave us the week between Christmas and New Years off. Quite a lovely thing, really. So the big question around here, is "what did you do with your week off?" We found out about it sort of at the last minute, so there wasn't time to make big earthshaking plans, so it's been interesting to see what folks did with the time off.
As for the Olsoni? Well, we spent the week sewing for the most part. Yes. I said sewing. And I said US. Vicki is the one who taught me to use a sewing machine and a serger, and we really enjoy working on sewing projects together. So, Monday was spent cleaning the sewing room, which had become a junk depot over the last few years, and looking through our stockpile of projects in process and fabric, as well as checking our supplies to see what we had to work with. Tuesday was a trip to Saginaw to meet my aunt Debbie (Mom's sister) for lunch at Red Lobster. We were delighted to find that my aunt Lori also was able to meet us there, and we had a lovely lunch and a long chat to catch up.
Wednesday, the sewing began. We found 7 vests (and a couple others) that we had laid aside and never completed, so we began with those. So, between some movies, lots of sewing, and some good rest, that is what we did with our week. We had two vests done in time for New Years day to wear to Church, and are wearing new ones today as well. The last two are waiting for a bit more stitching and finishing (topstitching, buttons, buttonholes, etc) and then we'll be done with 7 new vests. Sweet...
Especially sweet when you consider that we haven't done any serious sewing since before my mom died. Or for a year or two before that. So it's been a l-o-n-g time since we were able to sew. And it reminded me of so many hours of spending time together, Vicki and I and "the girls" downstairs. Lots of good memories. And now, new ones to add to them. Nice...
So, C-stone folks, feel free to comment: What did you do with your week off?... :-D
This will have more interest for my co-workers at CU than anyone else...
This year, the University gave us the week between Christmas and New Years off. Quite a lovely thing, really. So the big question around here, is "what did you do with your week off?" We found out about it sort of at the last minute, so there wasn't time to make big earthshaking plans, so it's been interesting to see what folks did with the time off.
As for the Olsoni? Well, we spent the week sewing for the most part. Yes. I said sewing. And I said US. Vicki is the one who taught me to use a sewing machine and a serger, and we really enjoy working on sewing projects together. So, Monday was spent cleaning the sewing room, which had become a junk depot over the last few years, and looking through our stockpile of projects in process and fabric, as well as checking our supplies to see what we had to work with. Tuesday was a trip to Saginaw to meet my aunt Debbie (Mom's sister) for lunch at Red Lobster. We were delighted to find that my aunt Lori also was able to meet us there, and we had a lovely lunch and a long chat to catch up.
Wednesday, the sewing began. We found 7 vests (and a couple others) that we had laid aside and never completed, so we began with those. So, between some movies, lots of sewing, and some good rest, that is what we did with our week. We had two vests done in time for New Years day to wear to Church, and are wearing new ones today as well. The last two are waiting for a bit more stitching and finishing (topstitching, buttons, buttonholes, etc) and then we'll be done with 7 new vests. Sweet...
Especially sweet when you consider that we haven't done any serious sewing since before my mom died. Or for a year or two before that. So it's been a l-o-n-g time since we were able to sew. And it reminded me of so many hours of spending time together, Vicki and I and "the girls" downstairs. Lots of good memories. And now, new ones to add to them. Nice...
So, C-stone folks, feel free to comment: What did you do with your week off?... :-D
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