As I think through this whole thing of making a portion of my living from creative pursuits, a question has come to mind. It was prompted by an evening playing at a coffeehouse, when the place was decently busy - not SRO, but a good steady flow of humanity. Three or so groups were gathered around tables, one of these (at least - didn’t check out the other two) was a Bible study. Groups of friends, gathering for good conversation, fellowship and enjoying some pleasant music as an accompaniment.
Sounds like a fine evening, right? That’s what I was thinking.
Now, allow me to digress a tad... When a musician plays someplace like a coffeehouse, it’s not like a club or a bar where you get a certain percentage of the door or some other arrangement. You’re playing for tips, and for the chance to sell CDs or other merch you might have with you. So you play for two or three hours, hoping to sell some CDs, maybe have some brochures or business cards taken which might produce some future gigs (maybe even some paying ones - what a concept!), but mostly hoping for enough coin to get dropped in your bucket to fuel the van and keep rolling to the next gig.
(Depending on your era, it would be appropriate to be humming Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page” or Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead Or Alive” right now. Or, if you really want to go back a ways, go for Ringo’s “It Don’t Come Easy.” Any of these are a fine counterpoint to the discussion thus far.)
So, back to our evening of music and such... At the end of the night, when things had cleared out and we were packing up the dollies and dishies, we checked the buckets...
And found $2.00. Two. One...two. Duo. One more than one, but one less than three. (“five is right out!”) Had it been a dead night, I’d accept that. But there was a good stream of folks through that night, with a major lack of coin in the buckets.
And I was not amused. Not angry, ticked, or anywhere near postal. Just frustrated and disappointed.
Which leads me to the question that came as a result of that night: Are you a Musician, or a Mercenary?
Where does one cross over from playing for fun, to bring others joy and to give God glory, and arrive at play for pay? No pay, no play. And does that change things - your attitude, your behavior, your worldview?
For most of my life, music has been something that is done for fun, but not to make a living. I’ve often said that nobody in their right mind goes into doing this as their occupation - “never quit your day job!” is the credo we live by.
But, in this time and in this place, creative pursuits are what I do. They have to be more than just recreation - they have to contribute to our household. At the very least, they need to pay for themselves so that they don’t leech resources from what is needed to keep us solvent.
And that changes a lot. Joy gets trumped by dollar signs. The first consideration moves away from “cool - a chance to go play!” and heads toward “can I really afford to do this?” Childhood innocence and wonder meet cold hard reality at 70 mph. Ouch.
So, this would be a good place to refocus, eh wot?
God is the giver of gifts, the author of creativity. A lot of how I view the world is wrapped up in that. I believe that, although people are capable of producing amazing creative works, the pinnacle of those works are achieved when the art / music / etc. produced is offered to the Creator’s glory. Creativity for its own sake is a downward spiral, concerned only with the inward human condition and not with its impact on the world. Think of some extreme examples of modern art, of 20th century music, or of the bizarre things done as “performance art.” Creativity for its own sake.
Since God gives the gifts, and my goal is to reflect Him with those gifts, it follows that He will also provide the opportunities and the resources necessary to exercise those gifts. If I proclaim one part of His truth, I have to accept ALL of it, right? He gives gifts. He supplies needs. He cares for it all.
Two bucks in the bucket? Well, that’s two bucks more than I had 3 hours ago. And who knows what impact a song I played might have had during a serious conversation or a Bible study? What impact might the music have had on the person so ripped up by a stressful life, that a little bit of musical peace seemed like the eye of the hurricane?
The music is His. The words are His. The abilities are His. And what is necessary to use them is also His to give.
Simply trusting every day,
Trusting through a stormy way;
Even when my faith is small,
Trusting Jesus, that is all.
Trusting as the moments fly,
Trusting as the days go by;
Trusting Him whate’er befall,
Trusting Jesus, that is all.
“Trusting Jesus” - words by Edgar Page Stites
Random Fluffy Foto!
Writing in bed, and Beka editing by ear. Really. The ear typed some letters. Really.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
To Record or Not to Record...
So, my Father-In-Law was speaking to me last time we saw each other, and said something that has been bouncing around in my noggin since...
“I guess you won’t do any more CD’s, huh?”
“Huh” indeed.
At this point, I’m reading into things I’m sure, but of course my mind started to try and “fill in the blanks” of what he was actually saying with that question...
1) Since he still sees a lot of CDs sitting around, that this venture was a complete financial failure, and so I’d be nutz to keep doing them, since obviously nobody really wants them anyway.
2) Obviously, this whole creative-pursuit-part-time-no-real-job gig isn’t working out, and thus his daughter is having to keep our household afloat, which just isn’t right, so about time I got my round hiney out de doh, and get a real job.
3) If you aren’t making money, you aren’t ever going to be able to get a new vehicle, get a new house, and keep on getting and doing better and better.
4) I hate the whistle. Sell them ALL and use the money to get the aforementioned stuff.
(OK - that last one might be a bit of a stretch...)
And yes, I’m well aware that these are probably more about my insecurity than about what he actually thinks of our situation. But, I wouldn’t discount them entirely - our lives are very, very different from my In-Laws, and I’m sure there are times where Dad kind of scratches his head and mutters to himself.
So, since I’m having this internal debate, the opposing side takes the podium to refute the arguments:
1) True, we have a LOT of CDs around. We’ve sold a small number, but there are a lot left. HOWEVER, there are a lot because we did an initial order of 1000 each time - the cost per CD gets a lot better in that quantity, and since they have the shelf life of Carbon 14, it’s all good.
Oh, and the thing you don’t see is digital distribution - Vicki and I were looking at the online sales, and were pretty amazed at where my songs have sold... iTunes, iTunes Europe, Napster, Amazon, and others. Some were purchases, others were paid listens. The amount we see from each one is tiny, but take a lot of pennies and eventually you have a full piggy bank.
2) You’re right. The whole part-time-creative-pursuit thing is not bringing in much bacon. The ship has a lot of holes, and some days the waves get our legs wet all the way up to the belt buckle. We’re still trying to figure out how this whole thing works, and that takes some serious time. I keep asking Vicki if it’s time for me to get a real job... and she says, “you already HAVE a real job!” So, if the boss says this is what we do, this is what we do. I just need to learn to do it better.
3) This is also true. We’ll probably stay in our 100+ year old money pit, driving our ancient minivan, and not achieve the American dream of more and better. But is that bad?
- we are learning to be better stewards with what we’ve been given, a lesson I’ve been clueless about!
- there are reasons we bought this house, and things about it we love. Now it’s time to learn to make it into the house we want, not just the house we have.
- it takes time for a (almost) 50 year man to learn stuff. Lots and lots of time...
4) I know you hate the whistle. That’s the reason I play it. :-D (just kidding... really. :-D)
I DO ask that question - do I keep recording CDs? Is it worth the time and money we invest into them? Or do I get rid of it and get a “real” job? In answer, the Lord keeps bringing new ideas for arrangements and songs. So, as Vicki said, “as long as He keeps bringing new ideas, it’s your job to keep recording them.”
And folks ask about the new material, are excited when they hear something new at a gig and find out that song is slated for the new CD, and in general report that they are blessed by the music.
And that’s the point. The financial, the “success,” the business model, all of that is secondary. Does the music glorify God? Does it minister to folks? Do people find it helpful to bring them closer to Him? Does it provide peace in a hectic world? Does it soothe when life can be grinding?
If the answer to any of these is “yes,” then that’s our reason to continue.
We may have enough of these puppies around to build a new addition out of them, but that’s not how we are measuring success. Success is when someone is encouraged, or blessed, or finds peace through what God puts together in the music. That makes it worth it. As long as He keeps giving the ideas, and providing what we need to make them, we’ll keep going.
Oh, and if He tells you something different - that we should stop before we hurt somebody, please pass that along. We are listening. :-D I’ve always said, if this stuff is crap and really should never be heard again, somebody PLEASE tell me to stop wasting my time and give it up. :-D
So far, that’s not been the word we’ve heard.
“I guess you won’t do any more CD’s, huh?”
“Huh” indeed.
At this point, I’m reading into things I’m sure, but of course my mind started to try and “fill in the blanks” of what he was actually saying with that question...
1) Since he still sees a lot of CDs sitting around, that this venture was a complete financial failure, and so I’d be nutz to keep doing them, since obviously nobody really wants them anyway.
2) Obviously, this whole creative-pursuit-part-time-no-real-job gig isn’t working out, and thus his daughter is having to keep our household afloat, which just isn’t right, so about time I got my round hiney out de doh, and get a real job.
3) If you aren’t making money, you aren’t ever going to be able to get a new vehicle, get a new house, and keep on getting and doing better and better.
4) I hate the whistle. Sell them ALL and use the money to get the aforementioned stuff.
(OK - that last one might be a bit of a stretch...)
And yes, I’m well aware that these are probably more about my insecurity than about what he actually thinks of our situation. But, I wouldn’t discount them entirely - our lives are very, very different from my In-Laws, and I’m sure there are times where Dad kind of scratches his head and mutters to himself.
So, since I’m having this internal debate, the opposing side takes the podium to refute the arguments:
1) True, we have a LOT of CDs around. We’ve sold a small number, but there are a lot left. HOWEVER, there are a lot because we did an initial order of 1000 each time - the cost per CD gets a lot better in that quantity, and since they have the shelf life of Carbon 14, it’s all good.
Oh, and the thing you don’t see is digital distribution - Vicki and I were looking at the online sales, and were pretty amazed at where my songs have sold... iTunes, iTunes Europe, Napster, Amazon, and others. Some were purchases, others were paid listens. The amount we see from each one is tiny, but take a lot of pennies and eventually you have a full piggy bank.
2) You’re right. The whole part-time-creative-pursuit thing is not bringing in much bacon. The ship has a lot of holes, and some days the waves get our legs wet all the way up to the belt buckle. We’re still trying to figure out how this whole thing works, and that takes some serious time. I keep asking Vicki if it’s time for me to get a real job... and she says, “you already HAVE a real job!” So, if the boss says this is what we do, this is what we do. I just need to learn to do it better.
3) This is also true. We’ll probably stay in our 100+ year old money pit, driving our ancient minivan, and not achieve the American dream of more and better. But is that bad?
- we are learning to be better stewards with what we’ve been given, a lesson I’ve been clueless about!
- there are reasons we bought this house, and things about it we love. Now it’s time to learn to make it into the house we want, not just the house we have.
- it takes time for a (almost) 50 year man to learn stuff. Lots and lots of time...
4) I know you hate the whistle. That’s the reason I play it. :-D (just kidding... really. :-D)
I DO ask that question - do I keep recording CDs? Is it worth the time and money we invest into them? Or do I get rid of it and get a “real” job? In answer, the Lord keeps bringing new ideas for arrangements and songs. So, as Vicki said, “as long as He keeps bringing new ideas, it’s your job to keep recording them.”
And folks ask about the new material, are excited when they hear something new at a gig and find out that song is slated for the new CD, and in general report that they are blessed by the music.
And that’s the point. The financial, the “success,” the business model, all of that is secondary. Does the music glorify God? Does it minister to folks? Do people find it helpful to bring them closer to Him? Does it provide peace in a hectic world? Does it soothe when life can be grinding?
If the answer to any of these is “yes,” then that’s our reason to continue.
We may have enough of these puppies around to build a new addition out of them, but that’s not how we are measuring success. Success is when someone is encouraged, or blessed, or finds peace through what God puts together in the music. That makes it worth it. As long as He keeps giving the ideas, and providing what we need to make them, we’ll keep going.
Oh, and if He tells you something different - that we should stop before we hurt somebody, please pass that along. We are listening. :-D I’ve always said, if this stuff is crap and really should never be heard again, somebody PLEASE tell me to stop wasting my time and give it up. :-D
So far, that’s not been the word we’ve heard.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Blank Slate...
Tabula Rasa = “blank slate”
I’m spending a lot of time these days trying to erase some things that were etched on my slate many, many years ago. Interesting that this seems to be something I’m more focused on as I get close to my 50th birthday. The feeling I seem to most identify with this pursuit is one of discontent - tired of being the way I am, stuck with the old baggage I’ve been carrying around for years and years. Weariness of stumbling through my days without change, without growth, without progress.
Tabula Rasa
What stuff am I still carrying around?
Weight - I’ve lost 45 pounds or so (might be less by now - I’m not being as diligent with the transition to food as I should be). How badly would I love to see me being below 400 lbs? Or even down to 350? Maybe down to 300? Evidently not badly enough to erase the writing on that slate that says “I love food” or “this is how I reward me” or even “I need this so I won’t be lonely.” Those things are not just written on the slate - they’re driven into the surface with a chisel, and the surface needs to be sanded and smoothed for them to be erased.
Selfishness - Only within the last couple of years have I realized what a spoiled brat I can be. I’ve managed to remain humble about my gifts, musical and otherwise, and to remember that they aren’t mine at all - but rather something given by God for His purpose and not mine. But so much of my thinking and my outlook on the world leans toward the selfish; it astonishes me. Over 27 years, I’ve put such demands on Vicki that I’m truly amazed she still loves me. The grooves on this writing are so deep they almost go through the slate.
Poor self-image - I watch my newlywed friends David and Suzie, and I see such wonder through their eyes. But something that Suzie said really rang a bell in my head - how that they both were complete persons before they wed, so their union is the joining of two whole people. I can’t say that - Vicki married a very fractured half-person, with many issues and much baggage, and any improvement or maturity I now display is more about her patient love and God’s resounding grace than about my growth as a person. And it still baffles me that she can truly love me so totally and without conditions. And to think that God loves me abundantly more than that - “inconceivable! ”
(nothing like a Princess Bride quote to lighten things up, eh?)
Past failures - Sightblinder can bring up every shortcoming, every failure, every disappointment, every sadness, and all in such detail and clarity that it makes the Imax look like a 9“ black & white set without cable. And I believe it - every time! I know that my past is covered in Christ, I KNOW that the sea of forgetfulness is deeper than any ocean, and I know that those things are past and gone, but they remain in my head, great fodder for the Shepherd of the Night to throw in my face.
Shall I go on? Shall I talk about my inability to clean my house? Shall we discuss five years of college and no degree to show for it? How about the hours and hours I spend mindlessly surfing the web, to the exclusion of anything else? Or how I get so distracted by the stupid things, that the important stuff never happens? Or how I spend hours thinking about riding my bike, or getting outside to enjoy the sun, sitting down and working on music, making jewelry, or writing, but NEVER actually do any of it? I have the titles and ideas for at least 6 new CDs, many new jewelry pieces, and new ideas to write about, but am I ever going to actually get them off the ground? Probably not.
Tabula Rasa
As Scrooge pondered, I wonder if the future will be just what I see. Will these shadows remain unchanged, so that what is pictured here is what will be? My dad died at 53, my mom at 69 - do I have any time left? Is anything ever going to change? Or will I remain bound with these words written and gouged and carved into the slate? Can any hand wipe away the writing on the stone? (something else Scrooge asked...)
Tabula Rasa
Guess it’s time to consult the Manual, eh?
”Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at Him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons!“ (II Corinthians 5:17, The Message)
”If we've left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? Or didn't you realize we packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. When we went under the water, we left the old country of sin behind; when we came up out of the water, we entered into the new country of grace—a new life in a new land! That's what baptism into the life of Jesus means. When we are lowered into the water, it is like the burial of Jesus; when we are raised up out of the water, it is like the resurrection of Jesus. Each of us is raised into a light-filled world by our Father so that we can see where we're going in our new grace-sovereign country.“ (Romans 6:2-5, The Message)
Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth. (I Corinthians 5:6b-8, NIV)
But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to Him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. (Ephesians 4:20-24, The Message)
So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective. Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ. (Colossians 3:1-4, The Message)
God is in the business of Tabula Rasa! Not just for those who have stepped from death to life in Jesus, but for us long-time battle-worn saints too. And that’s amazing! I don’t see anywhere in the Manual that there’s an expiration on the new life - use it by this date, or you’ll lose it. Apparently God invented the concept of rollover minutes long before cell phones - rollover life!! And guess what? Self-control and perseverance are a huge component in cleaning the slate and keeping it new...
”For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.” (II Peter 1:5-9, NIV)
Here’s how that passage reads in The Message:
”So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.“ (II Peter 1:5-9, The Message)
Self-control and perseverance. Alert discipline and passionate patience. (Not to mention godliness - or ”reverent wonder.“) As Jeff Manion said in a sermon on these verses, “This is not work God will do for you or without you. You need to get into the game. He’s given us everything we need in Jesus, but we need to be involved in the work.” He’s provided the eraser, the sander, the grinder to remove the writing from the slate - but I need to take up the tools, rely on His strength, and clean the slate. He’s erased it in Jesus, and now it’s up to me to erase it from the physical, day-to-day reality of life. To make what I say and what I do reflect what He’s already erased, and what He’s already written in its place. Jesus is risen, and He’s wiped the slate clean. Now I need to live that way - Tabula Rasa.
I’m spending a lot of time these days trying to erase some things that were etched on my slate many, many years ago. Interesting that this seems to be something I’m more focused on as I get close to my 50th birthday. The feeling I seem to most identify with this pursuit is one of discontent - tired of being the way I am, stuck with the old baggage I’ve been carrying around for years and years. Weariness of stumbling through my days without change, without growth, without progress.
Tabula Rasa
What stuff am I still carrying around?
Weight - I’ve lost 45 pounds or so (might be less by now - I’m not being as diligent with the transition to food as I should be). How badly would I love to see me being below 400 lbs? Or even down to 350? Maybe down to 300? Evidently not badly enough to erase the writing on that slate that says “I love food” or “this is how I reward me” or even “I need this so I won’t be lonely.” Those things are not just written on the slate - they’re driven into the surface with a chisel, and the surface needs to be sanded and smoothed for them to be erased.
Selfishness - Only within the last couple of years have I realized what a spoiled brat I can be. I’ve managed to remain humble about my gifts, musical and otherwise, and to remember that they aren’t mine at all - but rather something given by God for His purpose and not mine. But so much of my thinking and my outlook on the world leans toward the selfish; it astonishes me. Over 27 years, I’ve put such demands on Vicki that I’m truly amazed she still loves me. The grooves on this writing are so deep they almost go through the slate.
Poor self-image - I watch my newlywed friends David and Suzie, and I see such wonder through their eyes. But something that Suzie said really rang a bell in my head - how that they both were complete persons before they wed, so their union is the joining of two whole people. I can’t say that - Vicki married a very fractured half-person, with many issues and much baggage, and any improvement or maturity I now display is more about her patient love and God’s resounding grace than about my growth as a person. And it still baffles me that she can truly love me so totally and without conditions. And to think that God loves me abundantly more than that - “inconceivable! ”
(nothing like a Princess Bride quote to lighten things up, eh?)
Past failures - Sightblinder can bring up every shortcoming, every failure, every disappointment, every sadness, and all in such detail and clarity that it makes the Imax look like a 9“ black & white set without cable. And I believe it - every time! I know that my past is covered in Christ, I KNOW that the sea of forgetfulness is deeper than any ocean, and I know that those things are past and gone, but they remain in my head, great fodder for the Shepherd of the Night to throw in my face.
Shall I go on? Shall I talk about my inability to clean my house? Shall we discuss five years of college and no degree to show for it? How about the hours and hours I spend mindlessly surfing the web, to the exclusion of anything else? Or how I get so distracted by the stupid things, that the important stuff never happens? Or how I spend hours thinking about riding my bike, or getting outside to enjoy the sun, sitting down and working on music, making jewelry, or writing, but NEVER actually do any of it? I have the titles and ideas for at least 6 new CDs, many new jewelry pieces, and new ideas to write about, but am I ever going to actually get them off the ground? Probably not.
Tabula Rasa
As Scrooge pondered, I wonder if the future will be just what I see. Will these shadows remain unchanged, so that what is pictured here is what will be? My dad died at 53, my mom at 69 - do I have any time left? Is anything ever going to change? Or will I remain bound with these words written and gouged and carved into the slate? Can any hand wipe away the writing on the stone? (something else Scrooge asked...)
Tabula Rasa
Guess it’s time to consult the Manual, eh?
”Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at Him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons!“ (II Corinthians 5:17, The Message)
”If we've left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? Or didn't you realize we packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. When we went under the water, we left the old country of sin behind; when we came up out of the water, we entered into the new country of grace—a new life in a new land! That's what baptism into the life of Jesus means. When we are lowered into the water, it is like the burial of Jesus; when we are raised up out of the water, it is like the resurrection of Jesus. Each of us is raised into a light-filled world by our Father so that we can see where we're going in our new grace-sovereign country.“ (Romans 6:2-5, The Message)
Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old yeast, the yeast of malice and wickedness, but with bread without yeast, the bread of sincerity and truth. (I Corinthians 5:6b-8, NIV)
But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to Him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. (Ephesians 4:20-24, The Message)
So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective. Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ. (Colossians 3:1-4, The Message)
God is in the business of Tabula Rasa! Not just for those who have stepped from death to life in Jesus, but for us long-time battle-worn saints too. And that’s amazing! I don’t see anywhere in the Manual that there’s an expiration on the new life - use it by this date, or you’ll lose it. Apparently God invented the concept of rollover minutes long before cell phones - rollover life!! And guess what? Self-control and perseverance are a huge component in cleaning the slate and keeping it new...
”For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.” (II Peter 1:5-9, NIV)
Here’s how that passage reads in The Message:
”So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.“ (II Peter 1:5-9, The Message)
Self-control and perseverance. Alert discipline and passionate patience. (Not to mention godliness - or ”reverent wonder.“) As Jeff Manion said in a sermon on these verses, “This is not work God will do for you or without you. You need to get into the game. He’s given us everything we need in Jesus, but we need to be involved in the work.” He’s provided the eraser, the sander, the grinder to remove the writing from the slate - but I need to take up the tools, rely on His strength, and clean the slate. He’s erased it in Jesus, and now it’s up to me to erase it from the physical, day-to-day reality of life. To make what I say and what I do reflect what He’s already erased, and what He’s already written in its place. Jesus is risen, and He’s wiped the slate clean. Now I need to live that way - Tabula Rasa.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Forsaken
“About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"” (Matthew 27:46)
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1)
Even though there is so much we can directly relate to in the life of Jesus, there are things we’ll never understand. Fully God, but at the same time fully human. A man, one of us, who understands our grief, our joy, our longings, our darkness. But untouched by the curse, unaffected by the fall.
But there is one thing that I will never, ever comprehend, and doubt I ever will... being forsaken.
I’ve been dissed, ditched, dumped, insulted, disliked, looked down upon, left out, disregarded, dismissed, shunned, underestimated, misunderstood, disenfranchised, excommunicated (ok, perhaps not that one...), laid off, disconnected, disappointed, put aside, and put down. And many other unpleasant things. (I imagine I’ve even been despised and hated, but I’m unaware of it, thankfully...)
But I’ve NEVER been forsaken. Utter abandonment, total absence, complete solitude. Truth be told, I’ve never known the opposite either - complete harmony, total unison, absolute togetherness. As close as Vicki and I are, it’s not a perfect bond - no bond is, since we fallen critters aren’t capable of that.
But Jesus was and is capable of total communion with the Father. He walked in absolute oneness with His Father, knowing His will in perfect clarity. Being sure of His steps, in absolute conformity with the desires of the Father. And never knew a time when He didn’t have that bond of total and complete knowing of the Father, and being known.
Until that day. The darkness that covered Jerusalem was nothing compared to the utter blackness when the Father turned His back on the Son. When, for the first time in His existence, Jesus was totally and utterly alone. The physical torture of the cross, I imagine, was the lesser issue. The greater was the aloneness. Forsaken.
There is no joy in Easter without remembering the blackness of Good Friday.
We can trust the One who was tempted like us, laughed and cried like us, knew the heights and depths of human emotion, and became like us in all ways. Except one.
He was forsaken.
I know there’s a great ending to this story, and we’ll get there. But understand this, dear ones - when we are at our lowest, when we are at our blackest, when we see all the world around us as nothing more than a deep pit, to sink into and never return from, remember...
He was forsaken. We aren’t. And He returned from the pit. Through Him, so can we.
Have a blessed Easter.
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1)
Even though there is so much we can directly relate to in the life of Jesus, there are things we’ll never understand. Fully God, but at the same time fully human. A man, one of us, who understands our grief, our joy, our longings, our darkness. But untouched by the curse, unaffected by the fall.
But there is one thing that I will never, ever comprehend, and doubt I ever will... being forsaken.
I’ve been dissed, ditched, dumped, insulted, disliked, looked down upon, left out, disregarded, dismissed, shunned, underestimated, misunderstood, disenfranchised, excommunicated (ok, perhaps not that one...), laid off, disconnected, disappointed, put aside, and put down. And many other unpleasant things. (I imagine I’ve even been despised and hated, but I’m unaware of it, thankfully...)
But I’ve NEVER been forsaken. Utter abandonment, total absence, complete solitude. Truth be told, I’ve never known the opposite either - complete harmony, total unison, absolute togetherness. As close as Vicki and I are, it’s not a perfect bond - no bond is, since we fallen critters aren’t capable of that.
But Jesus was and is capable of total communion with the Father. He walked in absolute oneness with His Father, knowing His will in perfect clarity. Being sure of His steps, in absolute conformity with the desires of the Father. And never knew a time when He didn’t have that bond of total and complete knowing of the Father, and being known.
Until that day. The darkness that covered Jerusalem was nothing compared to the utter blackness when the Father turned His back on the Son. When, for the first time in His existence, Jesus was totally and utterly alone. The physical torture of the cross, I imagine, was the lesser issue. The greater was the aloneness. Forsaken.
There is no joy in Easter without remembering the blackness of Good Friday.
We can trust the One who was tempted like us, laughed and cried like us, knew the heights and depths of human emotion, and became like us in all ways. Except one.
He was forsaken.
I know there’s a great ending to this story, and we’ll get there. But understand this, dear ones - when we are at our lowest, when we are at our blackest, when we see all the world around us as nothing more than a deep pit, to sink into and never return from, remember...
He was forsaken. We aren’t. And He returned from the pit. Through Him, so can we.
Have a blessed Easter.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
In dreams...
Ever have one of those mornings where you woke early from a dream, and realized that you needed to write it down, because it could have some importance in the waking world, and could shed light on issues you’re trying to work through?
Or is it just me?...
So, I’m going to try and document what woke me up at 5:15 this morning. (Which, for the record, should be considered a criminal offense on a Saturday morning.) And then I’ll consider what it might say about where I’m at.
(This would be the lull in the conversation where you politely say, “ooh... look at the time. Those pickles aren’t going to can themselves! See you. Hope that whole dream thing works out for you...” And the sound of mouse clicking was nigh unto deafening... )
So, I was directing a program at a senior center. (Not likely to happen in the waking world, btw. Play music there, sure. Actually be in charge? I don’t think so...) We had some sort of activity, and then were serving dinner. And I was helping with the food, making sure that Edna had exactly what she wanted, and telling Walter to deal with it - beef is what’s for dinner. These alone are good reasons that being a program director for seniors is not on my list of stuff I’ll ever do. :-D
We had everyone fed and happy (yes, Vicki was helping also - no surprise there...), and had time to eat ourselves. I was just spooning some potatoes onto my plate, when my grandmother (who might have been there the whole time - I don’t know) said, “Callie - are you really going to eat all that??”
(Note - “Callie” is what I was called as a youngster. As I approach my 50th birthday, I believe I’ve earned the right to NEVER be called that again. Kapish?)
And I remember becoming embarrassed, frustrated, and ANGRY. I think I even yelled at her, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Then I woke up.
So, Dr. Freud, any observations?
Didn’t think so. But, allow me to take a run at it.
My counselor has mentioned that when one has grown up in a strict upbringing, that there is often a spoiled little brat within one, grabbing opportunities to say, “NO! I don’t WANT to!” I do realize that there was more than a little of that brat in me growing up, and that it wasn’t just inside, but quite evident outside as well.
It should be noted that I’m not flinging stones at the way I was raised, btw. Mom was raising two boys on her own, so keeping command of the ship was necessary for survival...
As I thought about that dream, I realized that the scene was one that had played out throughout my life - filling my plate at dinner, and either having mom stare in HORROR at what was there, or grams saying “you shouldn’t take that much!” Mom saying that fat people shouldn’t take so much on their plate, because people are always watching and making comments about “how much that fat pig over there is eating.” And I recalled something else...
Sometimes, when mom was busy, I’d spend time at my grandmother’s restaurant - actually, in her apartment above the restaurant. And grams would say, “when you get hungry, just tell the cook what you want and they’ll make it for you.” And I’d ask for HUGE things, because nobody was watching me - I was all by myself upstairs, and could eat as much as I wanted.
Pretty obvious how that ends up in a food addiction, eh? I’m at my most dangerous when I’m by myself, because when no one is watching, I can eat whatever I want, as much as I want. And as an adult, I get to the point where I say, “who cares if people are watching what I put on my plate? I deserve this!” Vicki tries to help me with quantity, and I respond just like I did as a child - embarrassment, frustration, and anger. The spoiled brat inside of me stomps his foot and says “NO!”
So why write this all down? Because, as it is written, “the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence.” Perhaps, armed with knowledge, and strengthened with God’s grace, I can recognize these feelings and thoughts, sort through them, and change the behavior that results from them.
One step at a time, the brat is being taken off the throne. What a great thought - giving the throne to the only One who should be on it. That’s real freedom. And every little step brings me closer to it. Self control and perseverance - they unbind the hands and free the spirit.
Or is it just me?...
So, I’m going to try and document what woke me up at 5:15 this morning. (Which, for the record, should be considered a criminal offense on a Saturday morning.) And then I’ll consider what it might say about where I’m at.
(This would be the lull in the conversation where you politely say, “ooh... look at the time. Those pickles aren’t going to can themselves! See you. Hope that whole dream thing works out for you...” And the sound of mouse clicking was nigh unto deafening... )
So, I was directing a program at a senior center. (Not likely to happen in the waking world, btw. Play music there, sure. Actually be in charge? I don’t think so...) We had some sort of activity, and then were serving dinner. And I was helping with the food, making sure that Edna had exactly what she wanted, and telling Walter to deal with it - beef is what’s for dinner. These alone are good reasons that being a program director for seniors is not on my list of stuff I’ll ever do. :-D
We had everyone fed and happy (yes, Vicki was helping also - no surprise there...), and had time to eat ourselves. I was just spooning some potatoes onto my plate, when my grandmother (who might have been there the whole time - I don’t know) said, “Callie - are you really going to eat all that??”
(Note - “Callie” is what I was called as a youngster. As I approach my 50th birthday, I believe I’ve earned the right to NEVER be called that again. Kapish?)
And I remember becoming embarrassed, frustrated, and ANGRY. I think I even yelled at her, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Then I woke up.
So, Dr. Freud, any observations?
Didn’t think so. But, allow me to take a run at it.
My counselor has mentioned that when one has grown up in a strict upbringing, that there is often a spoiled little brat within one, grabbing opportunities to say, “NO! I don’t WANT to!” I do realize that there was more than a little of that brat in me growing up, and that it wasn’t just inside, but quite evident outside as well.
It should be noted that I’m not flinging stones at the way I was raised, btw. Mom was raising two boys on her own, so keeping command of the ship was necessary for survival...
As I thought about that dream, I realized that the scene was one that had played out throughout my life - filling my plate at dinner, and either having mom stare in HORROR at what was there, or grams saying “you shouldn’t take that much!” Mom saying that fat people shouldn’t take so much on their plate, because people are always watching and making comments about “how much that fat pig over there is eating.” And I recalled something else...
Sometimes, when mom was busy, I’d spend time at my grandmother’s restaurant - actually, in her apartment above the restaurant. And grams would say, “when you get hungry, just tell the cook what you want and they’ll make it for you.” And I’d ask for HUGE things, because nobody was watching me - I was all by myself upstairs, and could eat as much as I wanted.
Pretty obvious how that ends up in a food addiction, eh? I’m at my most dangerous when I’m by myself, because when no one is watching, I can eat whatever I want, as much as I want. And as an adult, I get to the point where I say, “who cares if people are watching what I put on my plate? I deserve this!” Vicki tries to help me with quantity, and I respond just like I did as a child - embarrassment, frustration, and anger. The spoiled brat inside of me stomps his foot and says “NO!”
So why write this all down? Because, as it is written, “the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence.” Perhaps, armed with knowledge, and strengthened with God’s grace, I can recognize these feelings and thoughts, sort through them, and change the behavior that results from them.
One step at a time, the brat is being taken off the throne. What a great thought - giving the throne to the only One who should be on it. That’s real freedom. And every little step brings me closer to it. Self control and perseverance - they unbind the hands and free the spirit.
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