Q & A With Captain Cal!

So, often people have questions... and often I have answers.

Of course, most of the time those don't have anything to do with each other in any way, shape, or form, but that's not the point.

You gots questions. I gots answers. And sometimes the random factors align and they actually relate.

Don't hold your breath waiting, tho...

1) What's the deal with the references to "The Fluffy Goodness" on the blog? Don't you know that Twinkies don't exist anymore?

Ah, young Padiwan - to me, all goodness is fluffy. Fluffy is good. Good is fluffy. This is truth. This is art. This is...

Fluffy.

Next question...

2) Does BekaV really shred your underwear? And if so, boxers or briefs?

2 part question, 2 part answer...

a) Yes. Yes she does, if I'm dumb enough to leave them where she can get her little (huge) fangs into them. She prefers them post-wearing, pre-washing, for the record. Her version of fluffy goodness.

Ewww.

She's a dog. 'nuff said.

b) You don't really want to know, do you? 

Didn't think so.

I will say that almost none of them are white. (Stop it - that's NOT the reason! Sheesh - shocked am I at where your mind wanders, really. Sort of. Ok, not really.) Way back in the day before newfangled fashion grundies, they never made anything but white undies for fat little kiddos, so I could never have "other than white" underwear.

(I'm not sure if we're allowed to use the word "colored," even when just referring to undies...)

And husky boy's Underoos never caught on... anywhere.

Now that I'm about 4.5 sizes smaller than I've been in a long time (grade school), I refuse to wear white undies. Color at last! I feel so...

Um...

Never mind. Next question.

3) What color or colorsssss? And are they delicious, my preciousssss?

Stop that, BekaV! You're not allowed to ask questions. Employees or family members of The Fluffy Goodness Worldwide Domination Inc. are not allowed to participate. Next question.

4) How's it goin', eh?

Nice to see my beloved's family checking in from da UP, eh?

Normally I don't allow family members or employees of The Fluffy Goodness Worldwide Domination Inc. to participate, but who's going to say no to their mother-in-law?

Not I.

It's goin' good, eh? Figurin' out dat dere life stuff an' such, takin' dem dere happy pills and such, tryin' to keep dem dere bills paid, failing a bit at dat, but we keep on tryin', eh?

Yah. Ya betcha. Next question, eh?

5) Youse gonna finally get off yer tuckus dere and get a real job, eh?

Nice to hear from my beloved's dad also. Next question.

6) What's the deal with you never answering your phone?

Ah. Well. See. Um...

Ok - I'm a tad phone phobic. (Proofreader exclamation - "A TAD? Are you serious? So Noah's flood was a mild cloudburst?")

Point taken.

I'd rather have a couple of root canals with no happy medicine than have to talk on the phone. Gives me the flying green willies. (Which would be a great name for a band, btw...) So picking up the phone and giving someone a call? Probably not.

Or not unless I've had some serious liquid courage.

And by "liquid courage," I, of course, mean coffee.

7) What's that odd three-wheeled contraption I see pictures of you riding? And if you were to rear-end a semi, wouldn't you just sail right under it and laugh?

Two part question. Again. *sigh*

a) That is a TerraTrike Cruiser, a recumbent tadpole trike and a force of awesomeness rivaling that of the Fluffy Goodness itself.

*pause for moan of "whoa..." from all 3.78 readers... *

Totally, dude.

"Recumbent" refers to the seating position, and to the big ol' honkin' seat itself. It's a comfy chair with pedals.

"Tadpole" refers to the shape of the trike - two wheels in front, one in back. A tadpole waving its little tail. Cute, huh?

For bonus points, a trike with one wheel in front and two in back is called a "Delta" trike, as in a triangle, like the Greek letter Delta.

Got that? Good.

TerraTrike is located right here in good ol' Grand Rapids, where there be some of the nicest people on the planet.

Their fluffy overfloweth with goodness. Amen.

b) If I were to rear-end a semi, the fluffy goodness would be smeared all over the pavement. No, I wouldn't be laughing.

For more bonus points, the seat of my trike is about 13" off the ground, which does make for a low view of the world. And sometimes visibility is an issue, which is why I always wear a helmet, have a big, tall flag (or four) waving in the breeze, and use blinky lights to make sure I'm as visible as I can be.

For the record, most of the time folks see the trike and give it a wide berth. I think it's because they haven't seen many of these puppies, especially on Leonard Street at 4:30 in the morning. Shame, really...

Next question.

8) Wasn't that actually a semi-serious answer to a semi-serious question? Isn't that a personal foul, with a 5 yard penalty?

*sigh* Two. Part. Question.

a) It was. It happens. Get over it, he said in all goodwill, affection, and brother/sister/personhood.

b) I don't speak golf. Next question.

9) If a train leaves the station at 5:47am, and...

*BZZZZZZZZT*

(Insert sound of question-asking-person being dragged from room, given a slap in the face with a wet badger, and dropped into a pit filled with Beka-flavored gelatin-type-product-that-has-a-brand-name-I-shan't-mention-here...)

I also don't speak math. Next question.

10) Are you done?

Yup. The fluffy hath been brung. Go thou and do likewise. Amen.

And Amen.

*ahem* Amen.

What? Are you still here? AAA - MEEENNN!

*cue the organ intro...*

"Take the Fluffy Goodness with you, child of fluffy and of WHOA..."

(Go ahead - try singing it out loud, if you know that hymn - "Take the name of Jesus with you, child of sorrow and of woe." It works. And you'll have that stuck in your head for a few moments. Hee hee hee. Once again, the fluffy hath been brung.)

No portion of the preceding may be replicated, duplicated, propagated, disseminated, or perforated without the express consent and permission of The Fluffy Goodness Worldwide Domination Inc. And good luck getting that - they're not real friendly folks. Seriously.

Amen.