Quick thoughts

I've noticed that I seem to be walking a lot faster these days. Granted, I'm not schlepping around an extra 120 pounds anymore, but still it's faster than Vicki's seen me move in many years. And, my knees are keeping up - we're over a week since the injections, and they still feel good. The water aerobics have something to do with that, I would guess...

I finally hit on a phrase to describe how I'm feeling these days: "I'm finally able to go as fast on the outside as my inside always wanted to." Pretty cool.

The other thing that occurred to me today - I've always assumed that Vicki would live longer than me. After all, her grandparents are 96 and 99. (whoa) Her mom, in her 70's, doesn't move a whole lot slower than she did in her 40's. Or her 30's for that matter. My family, on the other hand, doesn't have a great track record for being around long. My grandma lived into her 80's, Mom died at 69, my Dad in his 50's, and there's a bunch of stuff on my dad's side that lends to ending life earlier.

Then, a thought came to me - I'm making some pretty drastic health changes in my life, earlier than anyone else in my family. I mean, I'm taking some pretty big steps toward fitness in my mid 40's. (46 next month, to be specific) One can only wonder what kind of impact that will have on the years to come.

Granted, the whole thing lies in the Father's hands. He holds the number of our days, and I thank Him for each one that comes. But, what Vicki said at her grandparent's 75th anniversary about "wanting to give them a run for their money" doesn't seem quite as absurd as it did a year ago. :-)

As my friend Hannah says often, "Good times." :-D

Way too much perkyness... (weekly weigh-in)

Another 2.2 lbs lost, taking me down to 365.6. I just realized today that I'm now less than 100 lbs away from my goal of 270. When I started this thing at 486, that was about as far away as Mars, but on this side of it, 95 lbs doesn't seem to be that big of a deal. I know it's all a matter of perspective, but these days my perspective seems to have taken a 180 and is headed toward positive.

I've always been a pessimist. (Or a "Realist" as I would say) Not too upbeat, not too perky, lest life notice what a great time I'm having and decide to throw some "stuff" my way just to even out the scales. Isn't that a great attitude for someone who professes to be a follower of Jesus?... But, it's always been in my personality to see the negative, and to respond with sarcasm and anger to most things. Especially sarcasm - it's always been my main weapon. I can push people away so quickly with just a couple of comments, and that's how I protected myself. Rather than giving anyone a chance to take a swipe at the fat man, fire the first shot. That's how you keep vicious playmates in check at recess in the dog-eat-dog world of elementary school.

The wit God has graced me with (and which my mom had in abundance) can be a gift - it can bring laughter in all sorts of situations, and can be a blessing to brighten people's days. But the other side of that sword is that it can be turned into an offensive weapon very quickly, and can tear someone down before I'm even aware of it. And, I certainly know how to turn it inward, to tear myself down. Ask Vicki sometime about my self-image... Not pretty, let me tell you.

And yet, it's changing. When I look at where I was just a year ago, walking through this fast for the first time, seeing these little victories, it's amazing what kind of impact that has made. It changes everything! Going though some of the classes at MMPC, and comparing my thoughts and feelings now to where I was a year ago - amazing!

So, am I suddenly turning into "Mr. Perky Person?" Not likely. :-) But, the world does seem brighter these days. And, that's all we really need, isn't it? A little morning - a little light on the path, and it can change everything.

"Lead, Kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom. Lead Thou me on. The night is dark, and I am far from home. Lead Thou me on. Guide Thou my feet - I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step enough, enough for me." (if you've never heard Ken Medema sing this amazing hymn, it's worth finding. Really. :-)

What a GREAT way to start the day!

Vicki and I are taking a 5 week water aerobics class through GR Parks & Recreation. Today was the first one, but won't be the last! What an amazing time!

Now, doctors have been telling me all along that I should go to some sort of a water therapy class, because it's the best for dealing with arthritis, and is non-weight bearing stuff that I can do... I had no idea it would be this much fun, tho! It was amazing to move like that without having to sit down after 30 seconds, gasping for air. The water made SUCH a difference. This 5 week class won't be the end of it - we'll look around for another place to get hooked up with classes, because we both love it!

The hour flew by, and the only negative was getting out of the pool at the end, and remembering just how heavy I feel on land. :-)

Oh, and for those of you who know what a total night person I am - I absolutely LOVED the class, even though it's at 8:30AM! :-) I'd gladly get up early to go do that! So, we'll see what kind of an impact that has on the rest of my day - I already feel a bit more alert, but we'll see if that wears off as the day goes on.

Our exercise balls get here Thursday. So, between water aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday, and working with weights and the ball the other days, we should start to see a BIG change in how the weight loss is going. Yee Haw! God is good all the time, and ALL the time, God is good!!!

Back on track and considering things (weekly weigh-in)

Good day - down to 367.8! That's about 11.8 pounds this week, which makes up for gaining a couple last week.

It's becoming more and more obvious that I've got to consider some form of either counseling, life coaching, or somesuch to get a few things straightened out. Such as identifying the reasons I run to things like food for comfort, stress relief, etc. Problem is, I've got a little baggage in my past that makes it a difficult concept for me to buy into.

First, being a fundamental Baptist boy, counseling says that I just must not be trusting the Lord enough. After all, if Christ is sufficient for every need in my life, then I just must be this week piece of work that is so spiritually inmature that I just can't see that there is no need for anything outside of Jesus. And, while I do believe that there are truths in that line of thinking, I also think that our minds are very complex - we often simply can't see the reasons for the behaviors that we do. So, perhaps God can use an outside voice to help me see what is going on inside.

Second, like many of us, I have a lot of junk in my trunk - lots of things that I'd rather not have brought out and examined in the light. The Lord knows what those things are, and I'd rather keep them between Him and me. But, perhaps some of those issues will explain the eating thing.

Finally, the hardest one... When I was around 8 or 9 years old, the folks at my school simply didn't know what to make of me. They didn't know if I had mental impairment, was just totally psycho, or just a little fruity. Remember, this was 1968-1969, so children who didn't fit into the standard mold of what children ought to be, think, and do were considered defective in some area or another. So, I got to spend time at the Psycho Ed clinic at CMU, where each week a well-meaning man would ask me questions on end, and never really accomplish anything. Looking back, we now guess that today I would have been classified "gifted" and channeled into directions to work with my natural inclinations, rather than wondering if my elevator went all the way to the penthouse. (My 5th grade teacher was totally convinced that I was retarded, until they gave me an IQ test. I don't remember what number they stopped counting at - just that afterward I was transferred to another class with a teacher whom I LOVED and who helped me more in that year than in all my school days previous.) So, counseling means to me endless hours of meaningless questions which accomplish nothing. Again, that was a long time ago, but it's hard to erase some childhood concepts.

So, I'm pondering this. A lot. In the meantime, things are going along. My knees, after the injections, feel great, so it's been fun taking stairs at a good pace and finding excuses to walk around. And, we now know the target for knee replacement - 100 more pounds. That's worth focusing on, so I shall. :-)

Thanks for your patience. I try not to make this a "Cal lets fly with all kinds of personal and disgusting information" too often, but once in a while, you just gotta let it happen. Looking forward to worship on Sunday, and for those of you reading from First Cov, we might wanna put the extra-heavy staging under the bass player this week, 'cause if my knees are still feeling good Sunday, I'll be movin' and groovin'! :-)

The countdown to new knees

Had an appointment with Dr. Hoekman, the orthopedic surgeon, this morning. When I asked him how things look, his reply was "bad knees." :-) He's a man of few words, but I like him! So, we did a cortisone injection - always a happy time... Last one was in 11/03, and while it took care of the pain for a while, it lasted only a week. Granted, it was a great week, but the treatments can only be done every 6 months. So, 105 lbs lighter, we'll see how it goes this time. Warning - the next sentence is not for the faint-of-heart: And, he was able to use a normal needle this time - last time, to get it in there far enough, he had to use a spinal needle. Told you...

The biggie is, we now have a goal for the knee replacement: lose 100 more pounds, and he feels I'd be a canidate for knee replacement at that time. :-) So, my target weight of 270 is right about on track for my goal of new knees. Sweet!

The only down side to the injections is, without the pain in my knees, I'm now aware of the pain in the ankles, feet, etc. Sheesh. :-) All in all, a good thing. Now, off to walk around just for the joy of not hurting. :-)