What do these stones mean? (weekly weigh-in)

Lost almost a pound this week. (.8) Normally, that would make me really discouraged. But, I'm going to try something different...

In Joshua 4, we have the Israelites crossing the Jordan, and placing 12 stones there as a memorial. The phrase that gets me there is "When the children ask, what do the stones mean?" , and then it goes on from there. Lots of places in the OT, you'll find stones being placed as an altar or memorial - an 'ebenezer' to remind them of something.

So, I need to trace my milestones. I need to see how far of a journey I've made since April 1, 2004. At that time:
- I could not stand for more than a minute or two without my knees giving out
- I was 14 pounds away from 500.
- I was depressed, losing entire hours in a fog, just sitting in my chair staring at the tv.
- I had just started using my wheelchair, but could barely move it without Vicki's help.
- I couldn't dress myself - couldn't reach my feet.
- I was a diabetic.
- Any wound to my left leg would take months to heal, leaving me open to another leg infection.
- Any time we would go to the store, my beloved would have to go in by herself, while I sat in the car, unable to walk. (that was just before the wheelchair)

Now:

- I only use the chair for exercise, or for a long time like in the store, at the mall, etc.
- I only use my cane if it's a "bad knee day" or I'm going to be walking and standing a bit.
- I can dress my own feet.
- My wounds heal normally.
- I'm not a diabetic.
- I get to go places with Vicki.
- I don't have to ask her to wait on me hand and foot, because I CAN get up and do things myself.
- I like who I see in the mirror.
- I can stand up to play my bass at church, not to mention movin' and groovin' a bit. :-)
- I can walk as fast as my wife.
- Many of the negative things I once believed about myself simply aren't true anymore.
- I have hope.
- I have energy left over to serve God, to love others, and to praise Him with all that is within me.
- I can sleep on my side.
- My meds have dropped from 14 pills a day to 6 or so.
- I smile a lot. :-)
- I can stand and play catch with Vicki. Or Ezri. Or both when Ezri snags a ball intended for Vicki...
- I fit in more chairs, but not the Van Andel Arena chairs... yet...

How can I be discouraged, for the One who has brought me this far will surely continue on with me. He will continue to be my strength and my song. So, I'll keep on the path. For as long as it takes, as long as He gives me to carry on.

And, maybe, just maybe someday I'll ride a trike. Maybe even a Windcheetah. :-D

Final water class... for now...

This morning was our last water aerobics class for the year - I can't believe that 5 weeks have passed already! We found out that our teacher, Joey, will have a class again in the fall. So, we've just got to find some things to do over the summer until then - maybe a few classes at the 'Y' or somewhere else.

What I do know is that I can't go the whole summer without the water exercise. It hasn't done anything for reducing my weight, but what it does is keep me flexible. The value to my legs and knees is well worth the effort. So, we'll find something somewhere to keep going.

Now, off to weigh-in. We'll see how things go, and I'll let you know later. :-)

A huge milestone for His Kids Radio

This is one of those moments when my old self would have gone trolling for every special snack food in the house...

1 year ago, HKR took over an hour-long kid's music program called Toonz. The show had successfully run for a number of years, and had a loyal following. Well, the folks producing Toonz decided that they couldn't continue to provide the program. We wondered about being allowed to continue Toonz, as a production of His Kids Radio, and the Lord worked it out so that we could.

We aired our first show last June, with a promise of 40 new programs this year to our stations. My dear friend and fellow HKR'er Amanda became the new host of Toonz. And I had the honor to take over the producer role of the show. Which means anywhere from 2 to 5+ hours per program to complete a 1 hour show. At times the albatross around my neck, Toonz is the very best of His Kids Radio, and is one of the most fun and creative things I get to do.

As of 9:31 this evening, we are done with season one! We promised 40 shows, and ended up providing 47 shows to take us through May. We get a couple months off, and then on to season two.

So, rejoice with me, friends! I am both humbled and honored to be the producer of Toonz, and quite proud of what has been done. Proud, in the sense of seeing what great things God has done, and how His hand has been on us the whole time. And, if you're ever interested in checking out Toonz for yourself, go to www.hiskidsradio.net, and click on the link for Toonz. Or, catch me sometime, and I'll slip you a demo CD. Great music, tons of fun, and it all points to the Lord. What more can anyone ask?

Now to take a two month nap before season two!

Something to look toward for inspiration

This is a Windcheetah - one of the fastest recumbent trikes on the planet, if not the fastest. But, you have to be below 280 lbs to ride this bad boy. And my goal is 10 pounds below that number. So, will I ever have a Windcheetah? Probably not. Something similar? Hopefully... But the thing I keep in mind is, by reaching the goal, I could ride a Windcheetah. Whereas, at 486, there was no chance at all... And that, class, is one form of motivation. :-)

Tiny progress (weekly weigh-in)

Another pound lost, to 365.4, and I'm weary of the journey. Dr. Osborne talked about diet fatigue today, and that's kind of how I feel. Just tired of the whole business. Seeing the goal as about as far away as Mars. Having trouble staying totally on the fast for just one day.

But one day is what it boils down to. If I can just hang on today, that's all I need to do. I don't have to look at tomorrow. And I certainly don't have to look at another 95 pounds to the goal. Although I look longingly at a recumbent trike, that's not even on the radar right now, either in the realm of one that will hold me, or financially. I could pay $5000 for one that is made to my size, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. So, my focus gets narrowed to one day. No more.

And, I've talked about that here in this journal. But just because I can spout off some of those pleasant platitudes, doesn't mean they've penetrated into my mind and heart enough to make a difference.

Can you tell that today is a tough day? Thought you might be sensing that. Told Hannah earlier it's one of those days that I rode my broom to work. I'm trying to focus on doing the tasks that need doing, and kind of staying out of people's way, lest my black mood spill over to them, and trying to retreat to the solitude of my home studio as quickly as I can. So everything is tough. Even a good workout in the pool today didn't do a whole lot to change that. I've been short with my beloved way more than I ever should. And, for our class today, we got to watch the first half of "Supersize Me," which is NOT the movie you want to see when your emotions are on the edge to begin with. God seems silent, although I know I'm the one who moved away, not Him. Prayer? Not right now - I'm not even able to enter into thinking about communicating with the Father.

So, I'll shut my focus down to the essentials. Who He is. Who I am in Him. How I got there. ("not of works, lest any man should boast...") I'll ponder things like His unfailing love. His faithfulness. His grace. His mercy. And, in so doing, take my eyes off of myself and put them where they belong - on the Author and Finisher of my faith. It'll take however long it takes, and then I'll be ready to place my foot on the path once more, and move ahead.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.