The $10 muffin debacle

So, here's where I am at:

Started a 6 month program at Weigh to Wellness, including 12 weeks or so of a VLCD (very low calorie diet) on nothing but liquids or protein supplements. Similar to what I've been through twice before.

One may ask, since it obviously didn't stick the first two times, why go through it again? Good question, and one that I've asked myself a LOT lately...

1) Because doing something, ANYTHING, is better than doing nothing, especially since I've come way too close to 486, the weight I was when I started this whole process years ago.

2) Since I was turned down three times for bariatric surgery, we think the Lord must be saying, "this isn't the path for you." Or at least now now...

3) I'm trying to give this time through more focus, more attention, and more commitment - seeing what happens if I really get in the game for it, instead of going through the motions without my whole heart being there.

So, we're in the process - drinking my meals, working on balance, getting rid of distractions, remembering to journal my food intake. Then I hit a rock in the river.

I was in the Meijer gas station near work, grabbing a couple of diet sodas (including one with caffeine to help wake me up), and I looked at some of the snack cakes I'd normally grab a handful of. Read the labels, got totally shocked at the calories therein, put them back, and headed for the register.

Within one foot of the register, almost home free, I snatched a muffin, threw it up there, and bought it. DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!! My peeps on Facebook were quick to encourage me to dump the muffin, including one offer to buy it for $10. (didn't see that one until today, unfortunately!)

And, that afternoon, I ate the muffin. 680 calories. My total for the day is supposed to be 1000. Not good.

And here's what the $10 muffin taught me: Eating something like that throws everything so far off that I don't want to do that again. My balances were all shot, and all night I was so hungry it's amazing I didn't eat everything in the house. Because my calorie budget was gone for the day, I couldn't eat my usual supplements at the right time to keep hunger under control. So, I felt so hungry and so uncomfortable that I was obsessing about food - something that hasn't happened to that degree since I've been doing this.

Now I see what happens when I eat one high-calorie thing, and throw everything else off. And now I have a clearer picture of what my food structure needs to be for the rest of my life, to keep balance. And balance it what it's all about.

Should I have ditched or sold the muffin? Absolutely. But at least I learned something from it. Hopefully next time I can think through things BEFORE I "do the stupid."

Now, if you'll excuse me, my alarm just went off. Time to eat my 10:30 snack and keep balanced. :-D