The Whistler's Dream

Everybody needs a dream...
Mine is to go to Oklahoma and play whistles for The Pioneer Woman. (Having been invited, not in a "creepy stalker" kind of way, for the record.) Heck, I'd play in a pup tent in the backyard for the joy of the cows and critters. What can I say? I'm a fan.
Everybody needs a dream...

Random Fluffy Foto!

Random Fluffy Foto!
Writing in bed, and Beka editing by ear. Really. The ear typed some letters. Really.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Zoom... Zoom... splat

"There's a wideness in God's mercy I cannot find in my own. And He keeps His fire burning to melt this heart of stone. Keeps me aching with a yearning, Keeps me glad to have been caught, In the reckless raging fury that they call the love of God." **

It's really hard not to become a die-hard cynic.

We had a buyer for mom's house. For a couple of blissful days, we saw freedom. Thinking about what life looks like without the concerns of everything that goes with having a house up for sale in a market that's down so low, they have to use the up elevator to flush the biffy.

Then, when all seemed like a done deal, at the last moment, splat. The buyer backs out. He had gotten exactly the price he wanted, and he backs out.

(if anybody even breathes Romans 8:28 right now, I'm gonna go postal.)

So, how does one keep faith when in this situation? How does one avoid putting on the heavy-duty armor of cynicism and never believing, never trusting, never hoping again? How many times does the bug get splattered on the windshield before he packs his wings and never leaves the ground again?

"I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands. You are who You are, no matter where I am. Every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hands. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm." **

I can't believe those words right now. I can't sing those words right now. I place them here in the hopes that by seeing them, and remembering them, I will eventually believe them again. And my heart will become soft again, instead of stone.

"I will lift my eyes, to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb. I will lift my eyes, to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild. I will lift my eyes, to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside. I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes, to You." **

Sometimes, when the hurt is too raw, when the wound is too deep, when I can't find the strength to open my Bible and hear the words of life, only the lyrics of certain special songs will penetrate the darkness of my thoughts and heart.

"Take me to the place I remember, Take me down the road You've led me through. Help my heart to see this as another way to be close to You. Remind me this is more than just a mountain, it's soon to be a story I can tell... of Your faithfulness. I will not forget. Take me to the place." **

The Spirit intercedes for us at times when we have no words, communicating our hearts to God when we have nothing to say. When we have no way to express our hurt, our bewilderment, our pain, our doubt, our uncertainty.

St. Patrick's Breastplate
I arise today

Through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity

Through the belief in the threeness,

Through confession of the oneness

Of the Creator of Creation.


I arise today

Through the strength of Christ's birth
with his baptism,

Through the strength of his crucifixion
with his burial,

Through the strength of his resurrection
with his ascension,

Through the strength of his descent
for the judgment of Doom.


I arise today

Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,

In obedience of angels,

In the service of archangels,

In hope of resurrection
to meet with reward,

In prayers of patriarchs,

In predictions of prophets,

In preaching of apostles,

In faith of confessors,

In innocence of holy virgins,

In deeds of righteous men.


I arise today

Through the strength of heaven:

Light of sun,

Radiance of moon,

Splendor of fire,

Speed of lightning,

Swiftness of wind,

Depth of sea,

Stability of earth,

Firmness of rock.


I arise today

Through God's strength to pilot me:

God's might to uphold me,

God's wisdom to guide me,

God's eye to look before me,

God's ear to hear me,

God's word to speak for me,

God's hand to guard me,

God's way to lie before me,

God's shield to protect me,

God's host to save me

From snares of devils,

From temptations of vices,

From everyone who shall wish me ill,

Afar and anear,

Alone and in multitude.


I summon today all these powers
between me and those evils,

Against every cruel merciless power
that may oppose my body and soul,

Against incantations of false prophets,

Against black laws of pagandom

Against false laws of heretics,

Against craft of idolatry,

Against spells of witches
and smiths and wizards,

Against every knowledge
that corrupts man's body and soul.


Christ to shield me today

Against poison, against burning,

Against drowning, against wounding,

So that there may come to me
abundance of reward.


Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,

Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,

Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.


I arise today

Through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity,

Through belief in the threeness,

Through confession of the oneness,

Of the Creator of Creation.

Kyrie Eleison

Christe Eleison

Kyrie Eleison

** "The Love Of God" - Rich Mullins
** "Praise You In This Storm" - Casting Crowns
** "I Will Lift My Eyes" - Bebo Norman
** "Take Me To The Place" - Scott Krippayne

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Cal..... no words, no advice, no platitudes .... no naughty expletives .... no "Well just what are YOU doing God????" .... a post so you know that you are being held up in prayer. Thanks for your honesty and for trusting friends to care for you.
Nancy

jenelle said...

Cal - our heart breaks with you at another disappointment that you and Vicki must deal with. You are not alone. You are loved - no matter what it "feels or seems" like at this moment.

Anonymous said...

Just remember, Job had it worse.

SJMcJ