To be what He made me to be...

Why do I so stubbornly refuse to become all that God intended me to be?

Instead, I spend my time moaning about how I ought to have a real job, how I'm not keeping up my end of the responsibilities in our family, how nobody in their right mind tries to make a living doing creative things. The musician's #1 credo? "Don't quit your day job."

And I waste precious time and energy wallowing around in my own misery...

"Well I picked up all these pieces,
and I built a strong deception,
and I locked myself inside of it
for my own protection.

And I sit alone inside myself,
and curse my company.
For this thing that has kept me
alive for so long is now killing me."

(Bob Bennett, "Lord Of The Past")

So, instead of saying that nobody in their right mind tries to make a living doing what I do, what if I accept the fact that 1) I've never been what you would call "normal," and 2) I've not been in my right mind for years. (ok - that last was a joke...) What if I allow myself to believe what God has been saying all along - that I was created for something very different, very wonderful, and if it doesn't seem to be what is "normal," well that's just fine. Instead of thinking what I "should" be doing, or imagining what others think I should be doing, what if I simply DO. What if I believe that God made me very unique, that He gifted me in so many ways that I can't count them, and that He wants me to use all of those things to give Him glory in as many different ways as possible?

What if I see myself as HE sees me, fearfully and wonderfully made? What if I take my eyes off my own pity parade, and instead acknowledge and affirm His blessings in making me what I am? What if I turn all of my energy and time and resources into becoming everything that He intended me to be?

What if?

I don't know. But I intend to find out...